what we want...

When we are little we dream about the day when we be all we write about in our journals... some of us want to grow up to mommy's or wives, some of us want to business women or actress some of us, want to be doctors or lawyers, whatever your dream is you count down the days till that is what you get. Life skips days to years and suddenly you all grown up and if your lucky living your dream. What happens, when you get what you want and the vision you played out doesn't turn out to be what you had in mind. What happens when your standing outside the window of your life looking into see something you never imagined. When I was growing up I invisioned always being a mother and a wife, I wanted so badly to feel needed and wanted and unconditionally loved that i ached for it. Now at 31, I am divorced with three beautiful babies and I am standing outside my window of life wondering why? Why has life brought me here. Why can't I have my babies and love, Why does it seem no matter how hard I try, I can't touch the one thing that reaches my soul. When you love someone, so much that what they do or don't do cannot effect your love for them, you wonder why god wouldn't place you in the area to be with that person. You can beg for love, you can hunt for it but what do you do when you know you have it, you feel it, but you can't reach it. I am standing outside my window, wondering what did i do to deserve to be alone, to not give this love i have in my heart, what did I do to live this life without all that happiness that is given to people who don't even deserve it. Why? I have reached again for the unreachable and maybe i will keep reaching until I get it, I just hope that I wont' be standing outside my window always looking at what I could have had but that I actually get to live the life I see for myself. To all of you who already have love, who are with their soulmates living the life of your dreams hold on to it, cherish it because its so rare to actually get all you hope for in life. My dream partially came true I am a mommy and I am loved and needed unconditionally by them and I give them all of me! For now they are enough.